Love Is A Loosing Game

In love one always starts by deceiving oneself and ends by deceiving others

Oscar Wilde

For one I know nothing about love. I’m 19 years old and I lived in isolation my whole life, so quarantining is not a problem for me . I have no social life really although most people think I do since I am a dancer and all that. Ever since I was young my parents prohibited me from playing with other kids and till now as old as I think they think I am, they don’t even allow me to go out with my friends. Even if it means just having lunch with them. This however then becomes a problem as my friends including my best friend thinks I don’t want to hang out with them which is not the case at all.

On the other hand I am grateful because, if it wasn’t for my parents locking me up in the house all day I would have never realized how creative I am or I don’t think I would have been much of a dancer. This is evident enough that things do actually happen for a reason.

Before people get to know me they always draw their conclusions that I’m arrogant, intimidating and full of myself. But the truth is I’m actually just a simple girl who had an uneasy childhood, a shy girl with loads of confidence, a little insecure sometimes, weird, sassy and I try to keep my head up no matter what.

People always think about “fitting in”, but for me I never even thought about it until I met this other guy in my first year of varsity. I did some things just to please him because I liked him and ended up making a fool out of myself😂🤦‍♀️. Once I realized he wasn’t felling the same way, I let him go. I guess the good thing about me is that no one expects me to be like other people or change because I am me and I stay me. What surprises me though is that people don’t see what they are looking for, they always see what is lacking and unseen.

At the beginning of my second year I thought I had found someone who appreciates and values me so I gave him a chance.

Well at first homeboy showed signs of him caring but later on he changed completely as he started lying to me and he was moving too fast, so I decided to detach myself. He used to deceive me by telling me he loved me, and like a fool who has never been in love I fell for his every move, but I ended it before he could hurt me even more.  I’m not really the kind of girl that gives people second chances so once you do wrong by me it’s done.

Point is, sometimes I feel like we try harder to show someone that we love and care for them. But if love isn’t the effort we put in, then what is it? What I’ve learned during the past years is that the word “LOVE” isn’t kind, patient or whatever. Love is messy, horrible and selfish. Love is being able to ruin your good and beautiful heart for a chance of a great one. Ergo, love isn’t safe anymore.